When I was living in Ovamboland in northern Namibia, my bed was covered by an immense green web of mosquito netting hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Each night I would painstakingly arrange the edges of the netting under my mattress to form a tent that would bravely protect me from the winging ambassadors of doom desiring to suck my blood and inject their malarial refuse into my veins. I was having none of that: hence the green fort. Nightly use of my vigilant bodyguard became all the more urgent when I decided to discontinue my dependence on the anti-malarial mefloquine, preferring any malarial fevers that might come to the pharmaceutical ravaging of my central nervous system. (Um, please don't tell my mom that.)
The mosquito net did its job--I didn't get malaria, at least nothing too tenacious. But there was a serious drawback to the green monster: the holes were miniscule, so the air inside it would eventually get uncomfortably stale. After hours of gradual carbon monoxide build-up, I'd wake up gasping and have to rip an edge out from under me to breathe the fresh air of the dawning new day.
The thin green veil separated me from the fresh-air world. I couldn't see or breathe clearly through it. Yet I couldn't rip it away.
That veil is still with me. It's with me when I watch a movie on TV and think soberly "Gee, this is a really witty movie." Or when I sit in church, utterly unmoved, and think "this is quite a moving sermon." Somehow my mind has learned German, but my heart has a long way to go. I get the jokes, but they're not funny. I understand the words of the sermon, but it doesn't move me. As proficient as I have become, I still feel like I am trying to function here with someone else's words. Statements have to make it through this stubborn veil, and when they get in (or out), they are blunted and dull, devoid of heart. If I switch to English, then I laugh, then the tears come to my eyes. But German remains a functional language for me, with two glowing exceptions: music and one particular good friend with whom I can transcend the veil.
Some people have the gift of transparency, even in the very beginning stages of learning a language. They can smile and cobble together their stilted foreign-sounding phrases and shoot right to the heart of their conversation partners. No veil.
Dang, I envy them.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Through a veil, darkly
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7 comments:
Ah, language barriers...It is difficult. I am one of the lucky people who can understand jokes in other languages and laugh, but there are always problems. For me, it's mostly that while I sound more or less like a native speak in French and English, I am not, and I miss so many nuances, use odd words in strange places. It's frustrating especially because it's so hard to change. For example, I still say I have to "learn" for a test, even if I know the word "study" is more normal.
Good luck getting more into the German state of mine!
I hadn't thought of how much of a struggle that must really be! My only other language (Spanish from high school...though I retained nothing and now only know a bit from Dora the Explorer) never came close to being a form of humor or even emotion. :) I think it will come for you, though. You're Jess Nipp. Trust me on this one. Amy
You should try to publish this post somewhere, maybe a magazine for ESL teachers ...? It's a great analogy, and as an ESL teacher it made me appreciate what my students struggle with every week they come to class.
i have VERY VERY VERY rudimentary spanish skills which consist of such phrases as "La tocadisco esta en la casa de queso" which translated means "the record player is in the house of cheese" and i can also say "mis pantalones es muy anaranjado" which translated means "my pants are very orange." So I think my veil has perhaps about one little tiny hole in it. Which allows me to enjoy LUCHA LIBRE... which is mexican wrestling. It's great stuff, you should watch it sometime.
Wow, what a funky amalgam of encouraging and empathetic and witty comments. You guys all rock. :-)
I actually went ahead and used your post with my ESL students last night, especially the bit about rationally knowing something's funny, but not feeling inclined to laugh.
Wow, that's an honor. :-) I hope it was helpful to somebody!
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