Persistence...

So I have this deadline, see. It's not a major one--it's a miniature, self-imposed deadline, but since I have a partner in crime, it's a motivating one. I am taking this new "PhD in Ethics" idea seriously and so we (I and a friend in Iowa) are attempting to 'gird up our theological loins' so that we have something of substance to write on the pesky applications. So we are reading this book (a classic, they say) with mutual accountability and mini-deadlines.

And as the deadline is fast approaching, I, being a good little extrinsically-motivated student, sat down to read the first chapter, a reaction paper to which I have to write by Monday morning. No problem. Now, it's been a while since I have read theology for the sake of reading theology. (We are going to politely divert our eyes from the two years in Munich, during which I "read" plenty of theology, but learned little actual theological content, preferring to concentrate on "hey, is that a new use of the subjunctive?" or "Cool! You can put this prefix with that root and it makes a whole new word!")

Surprisingly enough, I've missed it! I actually enjoy delving into the minds and thoughts of academics, sorting out miles-long sentences, feeling a new concept snap into place, discovering I have actual opinions and critiques on this stuff. It feels like a long, luxurious run after an even longer hiatus. Maybe my muscles will be sore in the morning, but man, I love the wind in my hair and the sun on my face. I like sentences like this: "In short, although two-dimensional views are superior for ecumenical purposes in that they do not a priori exclude doctrinal reconciliation without capitulation as do simple propositionalism and simple symbolism, yet their explanations of how this is possible tend to be too awkward and complex to be easily intelligible or convincing."

This stuff, dear people, makes me feel alive. It makes something inside of me bubble up with the same kind of enthusiasm and butterflies as watching complete underdog Greece mop up the floor with the competition in the European Cup or leaning in for that first electric kiss. (Which reminds me, I wanted to write an entry about the generic Mr. Not-So-Much-Right and his not-so-endearing qualities. Later.) The only problem is, these exciting ideas and phenomenal illustrations of formerly-frustrating academic concepts create this internal combustion engine that literally propels me, arms flailing, out of my seat. Must. Release. Energy. ...by checking to see what looks interesting and/or edible in the fridge...or watching the ginormous snowflakes congregate in small heaps on my windowsill...or wandering aimlessly into the bedroom--what was I looking for again?--or to the computer--wonder if anyone has commented on my blog in the 16 minutes since my last obsessive blog-check? No? Well, maybe that alligator documentary is playing on the nature channel...Eventually I catch sight of the book out of the corner of my eye--oh yes! I was reading a book! I go back to read the next page.

Yes, I am easily distracted. Yes, I probably have attention deficit disorder. The most efficient way mine isn't, but, as past academic successes witness, at least I always go back to read the next page.