Fall cleaning

I've been going through all of my files. Yesterday morning they filled all of a four-drawer file cabinet and today their numbers are down by half. I've been weeding out the most ridiculous acquisitions and the vestiges of old ambitions (a PhD in linguistics, for example, or the vast amounts of information I gathered on the Ancient Romans while I was smitten with my fiercely intriguing Latin professor).

One additional bonus of all of this reverse filing is that I am reconnecting in a big and bad way: reconnecting with the girl I once was, the one who thought all of this stuff was important enough to file away meticulously. It's pretty crazy, who I used to be. I had this habit in college of making name posters for people - a poster with one descriptive adjective per letter, spelling out their names. And my suitemates decided to make one for me to complete the collection. Mine said, if you can believe it:

Joyful
Enthusiastic
Silly
Sunny

I haven't thought those things about myself in a very long time, but maybe it's coming back.

Here's a poem that I found. I can't for the life of me remember who the subject was - but I know it's none of the usual suspects. In the tradition of Sarah Brown's Cringe, I bring you "Impossibly Blue."

impossibly blue
i catch myself staring
and tear away...
but you can't stare into someone's eyes
unless they're looking too

you need time, you said
to mend, to think, to grow
but how much time
how will i know?

who will be there on the other side
when i open the door to my heart?

will you be there, impossibly blue?

will i be alone
to face the dark
without a friend
or will you come
and take my hand again?

impossibly blue...
this whirlwind of joy
will it last? is it true?

a tangled up web of
hearts and intentions
can i find you amidst the pain?

are you looking for me?

in the darkness we connected
your soul to mine
your words to my own
your eyes...

can i look forever into eyes
impossibly blue?

Blech. :-)