a million questions... a few answers

I'm a worrywart. I obsess about tiny details, I analyze interactions to death, I take myself far too seriously. How many of you haven't had occasion to say to me "Jess. Relax. It'll be fine"?

Normally it's a conscious deal on my part. I know what I'm worrying about, and why. I'm all over the self-knowledge. (Not an expert at Stopping the Worrisome Madness, however.) But the spring before I left for Germany, I started having massive, debilitating bouts with headaches and joint pain. I was diagnosed with migraines and rheumatoid arthritis before they finally settled on bruxism - turns out that when I'm stressed, I grind my teeth and clench my fists in my sleep like nobody's business. I got a fancy bite guard, funky gloves, and an admonition to find better methods of stress relief. Mercifully, the headaches eventually stopped and I could use my hands again.

Well.

It's baa-aack. I vaguely knew things were stressful the past couple weeks, but I actually thought it was getting better. However, the headaches are back, the clicking jaw, the "I'm an irresponsible moron" nightmares, the constant yawning that indicates I'm not hitting REM enough. Couple days ago I found myself cutting my nails down to stubbly bits to avoid further nocturnal lacerations of the palm. Why did this not warn me?

Apparently my body feels that moving to a different country is something it needs to worry excessively about, even if the country in question is one with which I'm relatively familiar. And until yesterday (hey, this is foreshadowing, people! pay attention!), coupled with my directionlessness and dozens of question marks about the near future, this made for some physical distress that my body helpfully tried to work off during the only time when I turn off my seemingly powerful Going On With Life No Matter What coping mechanisms - while I'm sleeping.

I'm moving back home! In five months. I barely managed the last Phase of Major Upheaval in my life, and it feels like the next one's starting already.

But, as I mentioned above (the foreshadowing bit! did you catch it?), I've managed to ameliorate the directionlessness a bit. Which is to say... we found a house to rent!! Three of my friends have now migrated into the "future roomies" category, and I'm totally pumped. I have (great) roommates! I have a (gorgeous) place to live! I have an address! I have a city in which to search for a job!

Not only does this give me some answers, some direction, some focus... it also gives me some really amazing roommates and a kick-ass place to live next year. These are my combat weapons. Let the battle begin.

*yawns*