Just some stuff

I am having blogging issues lately. What to say? What to keep to myself? How to say what I decide I do want to say? Some of the issue is... sometimes what I feel like writing is rather depressing and self-destructive and just not very productive to my current goal, which is to at least accept, and hopefully also enjoy, my current circumstances, many of which I can't change for a while. So I can't tell if it's better to vent the frustrations or to keep them to myself for a while and try to use them to fuel my self-improvement motivation.

Suffice it to say, sometimes I feel sad and alone and like I am not really doing anything meaningful and the next year feels like it will last forever. And other times I really am OK.

Lately I empathize waaaay too much with characters in books I read and shows I watch. It's as if I am trying to make them my friends or something. It's sad and pathetic on the one hand, but I guess there could be worse ways to absorb the aimless emotions. :-)

I asked a question a while ago, about what makes me me, and how I can find the elusive "center". While all my friends were leaving, it kinda felt like the universe was helping me out according to the Occam's Razor principle, peeling away my outer circumstances one by one until the only theory left was the simplest one. I'm not quite there yet, but if this keeps on going then I am going to be meeting my inner self face to face rather soon. Silver lining, I guess.

How do you know when to just give up and accept something, and when to fight for what you think might be something better?

I had coffee today with a real family: mommy, daddy, baby, dog... It was so nice. The baby is totally adorable and will crawl over to you, pull herself up using your legs, and raise her hands with the utterly confident expectation that you will put out your fingers for her to grab... and off you go. She has just discovered the joys of being self-propelled, and so far her experience has taught her that the adults around her are trustworthy providers of balance and accompaniment. It brings out something new inside me when she grabs on and looks up at me with that 100-watt grin. I'd go with her anywhere.