So, folks, here I am: rock bottom, the place I have been dreading for so long. (I am above-averagely good at dreading future occurrences, letting them snake their already-but-not-yet tentacles into my otherwise happy present. I do need to work on that.) And I have to admit, being here's a bit of a relief. Because the last of my friends has now vanished into a puff of buckeye smoke, and the green-eyed beast of Responsibility and Buck-Stopping-Hereness has descended with finality upon my desk, and what do you know? I'm not entirely alone, and I'm still standing.
And, really, there's nowhere to go but up.
Somewhere between the ultra-defeatist attitude of the weekend and Ye Olde Carefree Me, I've found the happy medium. Clearly I'm not there yet, but at least I know what I'm shooting for: competence, with a side order of fun. Yes, there is a heck of a lot of stuff on my plate right now. But ain't nobody gonna start takin' care of that stuff but me. And I have time to hone my skills - eleven months of time, to be specific.
This newfound goal of mine brings with it an anchor, a sense of groundedness. Finally I am at the point where I can force the wanderlust to the back burner, rev up the home fires, and accept the fact that I am going to spend a good deal of the next eleven months wearing a path between home and office. Like Rosie the Riveter, I just have to roll up my sleeves and get started on my new, like-it-or-not life. Who knows, maybe I'll have biceps like hers someday.
Monday, September 05, 2005
I've arrived
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5 comments:
I'm not sure if this attitude something I'm glad to hear about. Or read about. Since I am Not There to hear you say it. But I will read it in my head as though you are sitting in at your computer reading it to me as I am washing your dishes.
Anyway, if this is rock bottom, no where to go but up, eh?
You're not completely alone, just remember that. Take a day and go to Berlin and visit/stay with Thorsten and Claudia, or something. I really did have an amazing time with them and they will surely cheer you up, as they are the Nicest People Ever (TM). Or bug Helge into traveling somewhere with you for the day, or go sit in the park, just do ANYTHING to get out of that apartment of yours. Join a gym to get the biceps, even :)
And let me know if there's anything you want from the States... Ohio care packages might be in the works ;)
About half of this was me feeling better for a while... and the other half was me trying desperately to get there. I will, eventually.
Can you send you? :-)
Well, I don't think I could afford to send me by Luftpost, and I think I'd suffocate in the box if I sent me by boat... so maybe I can come up with a facsimile :)
Jen
Do the chickens have large talons?
Big fricking huge enormous talons. And my mother is getting married! To your mom's husband's brother, apparently.
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