The weather is freaking out lately, dishing up a warm spell that has me whistling "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" on my way to work. It could just as easily be May as January. And to my chagrin I found myself wishing today that it were already May, wishing that I were just that much closer to going home.
It came on the heels of a disproportionately emotional good-bye to a group of mostly college students that had been in town this week. After several days of casual and directed conversation, I had gotten to know a few of them fairly well. They exuded this fresh, confident naivete that made me nostalgic for the days when I was trying out new worldviews by the bucketful, impatiently patchworking the pieces together until I hit upon just the right combination that made the world click into place for me.
One girl mentioned that she is majoring in theater and dance, and plans to study Catholic theology after she graduates. I asked how she imagined combining her interests into a career, and she answered, in utter seriousness, "I'm not making career plans. My general goal is just to continue to educate myself, you know: to make myself the best person I can be." My soul flickered in recognition of her idealism, and something inside me made a soft attempt to rise. But the spark never reached tinder, hindered by sobering visions of dollars signs, student loans, insurance payments, bills piling up. I know as well as anyone that education, even a whole pile of it, cannot gobble up bills as confidently as Ms. Pac-Man in the act of dispatching Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Sue. I must face it, I have gotten old. (Even my analogies reek of a bygone era.) When did this brittle pragmatism set in?
After a few days of their youthful enthusiasm, my hardened edges softened and the ideas started churning again. Which is why my eyes got teary as I wished them well this morning, and one said to me awkwardly, "thanks... well, have a nice life, I guess..." Yes, I will do my best to have a nice life. And to stop wishing the months away.
Monday, January 10, 2005
Soft around the edges
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3 comments:
We are one of the only countries (at least the ones I have been in/learned about) that make young-adulthood end so early. In most of Europe, the understanding is that you are a young adult until you are about 35. Whew. So we both get in there way under the line. In fact, we have 7 years before we have to behave (and earn) like "normal" adults. :-)
Dear Jess, can't rewind or fast-forward life. That's the deal, right? I think your last line sounded about right. Find something good about right now, and don't pine for what's ahead--cause it's coming!
Don't you hate "Have a nice life"? I say it more and more these days, and it sounds so flippant, but what else do you say to someone you know you're never going to see again. What I always wonder is why everyone's always leaving.
Yeah, to me "have a nice life" always sounded like the ultimate break-up phrase. Have a nice life, bastard... or something along those lines. But yeah, I meet people all the time who I know I won't run into again. Sometimes it's sad, if I felt a really special connection to them, mostly it's just normal...people come, people go, and if we got to walk a few steps together, great.
As for the inspiration, Deborah, I'm glad I could help. :-)
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