uh, yeah. hi.

So it's been... almost four months since my last blog post. Yep. My life goes in phases, and I'm distinctly in the Facebook phase now. But tonight's brand of insomnia had me thinking about Germany, and reminiscing about the particular joys and challenges of trying to be oneself in alien surroundings, and that led me here, to the archives of that extended adventure. At this point it almost doesn't matter to me that no one reads this anymore. Maybe I even prefer it. This way I can just let the thoughts come rolling out and not bother with too many filters. I can pollute my little corner of the interwebs with my fanciful verbal trash and no one will be the wiser.

Lately I have been feeling like my life is all a-tangle. And I get the feeling that if I start pulling on one end of the string, I might just come undone. My mom had this stupid picture of a little pink hippopotamus hanging on the kitchen wall way back when, and it said "Please don't tell me to relax; it's only my tension that's holding me together." I wonder sometimes.

I went to get a massage a few weeks ago and it felt wonderful. My neck and shoulders hadn't been that free since I can remember. However, that night, and for a few nights afterwards, I ground my teeth so badly that the headaches lasted all day. It reminded me of that dorky hippo-- without the tension that had built up, my muscles were free to go about their destructive business. Maybe a little bit of constraint is a good thing? I guess Luther would call it bondage of the will. Perfectly dutiful servant of all, perfectly free Lord of all. You need the balance.

I don't sleep much lately. Usually it's work that keeps my brain spinning; tonight it isn't much of anything-- just this persistent awake-ness that seems to be antithetical to sleep. But hey, it brought me back here, in a roundabout sort of way. I'm not complaining -- this blog is like an old friend, or a favorite pair of sandals that has been hibernating in the closet all winter. Feels good. Old times have the comfort of the familiar, even if they weren't always pleasant.

*yawn* That's better. Sleep is welcome to claim me now!