Ok, I think that when the next well-meaning stranger or relative finds out my age and then asks me with feigned or actual surprise why I'm not yet married, I might accidentally wring their neck. It used to happen occasionally (the inquiries, not the neck-wringing), which is tolerable. Lately it has been happening to me with increasing frequency -- the last one occurring about ten minutes ago -- and I don't like it.
There are a thousand answers (or maybe there's no answer) to the question of why I'm not married yet. But my hunch is this: it boils down to the fact that I am completely unwilling to settle. My parents' marriage was not so good, and I've seen several other ones fall apart, and so I have no rose-colored glasses when it comes to understanding that marriage is a whole lot of hard work. It's constant compromise. It's not getting your way half the time. There is no fairy-tale happily-ever-after.
Which is not to say I'm completely against marriage; I'm not. Ultimately, I kinda hope it happens to me sometime. But I'm also not ever going to get married just for the sake of being married, or in order to shut these people up. They may be annoying, but a bad marriage is disastrous. Believe me; I've seen it.
These people can believe it or not, but I actually really like my life. Yes, I'm a little bit outside society's box. And yes, I'm a huge extrovert and require lots of companionship in order to feel content. However, I have wonderful friends and colleagues and community. And I have long since come to terms with the fact that I'm not average or, in many ways, even remotely "normal".
Maybe there's a bit of romantic in me, but I think there's a lot more of the practical. My life is good. Really good. And if I don't find someone with whom there's the promise of even better, then I will continue on, "as is," in my very good life. And it will be very good.
But what do I say to these people?
Sunday, July 27, 2008
file under "pet peeve"
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5 comments:
I used to look startled and say, "I'm not... ?" and then look really intently at them, do my best at a horrified expression, and ask, "what's happened? What have you heard!?!?"
Now I find the well-meaning "Wow! Finally!" (and the therefore-very-much-implied "about damn time! We never thought we'd see this day come!") is just as annoying. :-) So there's that to look forward to.
Excellent! I will try this one out and see how people react. :-)
And gee, I just can't wait to exchange one dumb mass-reaction for another. Woo-hoo!
Have you tried something like "I prefer being able to have sex with everyone I meet."
Then raise your eyebrows, bump up on your toes a little, and say, "Everyone."
Give it a go. It'll definitely get a reaction.
I'll be the spokesperson for those of us in the "well-meaning but annoying" camp.
Please forgive us. We mean well.
My newest idea: Explaining, patiently, that I was a nun and priest several times in past lives, and that human coupling confuses me.
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