when in doubt

I know why I've been blogging so much this week: I need something to tether me. So many things are up in the air, it seems; so many answers are still forthcoming; so many other shoes have yet to drop. I guess old habits die hard. When in doubt (anxiety, transition, weird life situations), blog. It tethers me to my friends, it forces me to commit to one or two themes, at least for a paragraph or two. It stakes down the swirlies that infest my head.

I think it's working.

I was reflecting today on the power of ritual. Today has been a hard day. My friend James is missing in the woods, two full days late returning from a solo hike. Search and rescue is searching, but has not yet rescued. And D-Day is tomorrow: I find out whether it's the grief of the cut off or the grief of the left behind that I need to start work on. My roommate moves in today (any minute, in fact). And my personal life has some question marks too. So much transition, so much unknown. The good news is, I got to go to church twice today.

And so I am twice blessed by music well executed, sermons well preached, messages well received. Twice inspired, twice fed, twice reassured that God's love is bigger than all of this mess. Which makes it pretty damn big, if you ask me. One of the best things about worship is that you still get to raise your voice, even if you can't think of the right thing to say.

Today, mostly I want to say this: bring James home.