Letters home: December 2003

Greetings loved ones!

Christmas is a wonderful occasssion to keep in touch, to get back in touch... so, without further ado and with all due apologies to those who are hearing from me for the first time in a LONG time... my Christmas letter, sent with blessings and joy, from, for most of you, halfway around the globe.

Christmas feels different in Germany. In every town, big and small, folks gather in the main square for a Christmas market, drink mulled wine, eat sausages and sauerkraut, bind their own Advent wreaths, make creative Advent calendars for each other, and sing Christmas songs I’ve never heard before. It’s a different spirit, somehow, thankfully not as merchandise-happy… I haven’t seen one single Christmas ad on TV. Interesting. So, Christmas feels different here…

I was invited to spend Christmas with my boyfriend C.’s family, in a relatively tiny little town in northern Bavaria. They are a very musical family, where they sing in four-part harmony at the breakfast table. They could be their own orchestra, with piano (all four kids) organ (2x) block-flute, trombone, violin, saxophone, and cello represented... and those are just the instruments they play at solo-performance level. They sing at mealtimes; in church; spontaneously; to celebrate just about anything, including Grandma's birthday... My family is many things, but this level of musicality is new to me and fairly astonishing.

C.'s father is pastor in a Lutheran Community (i.e. convent). The best way to describe them in English would be Lutheran nuns — sisters in the Catholic tradition, but within the Lutheran church. On Christmas day, we attended the service where, in a really moving ceremony, two postulants gave up their streets clothes and received their habits, becoming novices ‘Sister Beate’ and ‘Sister Heike.’ They have already been postulants for a year, living in the community with the sisters. They will now officially be novices for two years, after which they take their first set of vows, which last five years. After those five years, they take their lifelong vows.

In a few days C. and I are going to a different monastery (monks, basically—again, like a Catholic order, but within the Lutheran church) for a New Year’s retreat. I am not sure when I will write my papers for the university, but I know it will happen sometime before January 7, when I travel north to Wittenberg for a three-day job interview (which is actually more of a chance for us to check each other out, for me to experience life at the center, and to see if the placement would be a good fit) as [ya know... this job]. The job would begin in July with a three-week training in Chicago. It is a 2-year position through the global mission department of my church, as a stipended volunteer. The person in charge of personnel told me he can't guarantee anything, but I get the feeling my chances are good, that I am currently the only candidate, and that if things go well in January I basically "have the job". I certainly hope it works out.

Life in Munich has been full of unexpected challenges and unexpected blessings for me these past 16 months. This has been my longest stay outside the US so far, and I am experiencing the special dynamics that come from living somewhere that really isn't "home," but trying to make it my home nonetheless, trying to find the music and poetry in a language where every new word, every new situation presents multiple grammatical challenges. (Last night I tried to learn a new, complicated card game, and the vocabulary that goes with it, all at the same time. The challenge is to have fun in the midst of all that. Sometimes I even succeed.) Blessings to all of you who are doing the same.

In some ways, life seems much slower here. They don't seem to know that classic American version of breakfast, 'l'll just grab a roll and coffee on my way to work,' or 'I'll hit the McDonald's drive-thru window', or my favorite one from seminary, shoving a bowl of cereal into my face in the kitchen as I pull on my socks, trying to put out the toaster-oven fire, and attempting to memorize those last few Hebrew vocabulary words before the test today. In Germany one does not eat standing up, or while driving or doing homework or getting dressed. I don't know how they do it, but families generally eat three meals a day together. Every day. Even big families. Maybe it’s the 35-hour workweeks!

Many of you have asked if I miss anything from the US. What do I miss? I miss you. I miss American Christmas songs (the only ones I recognize here are 'Silent Night' and 'Lo, how a rose e'er blooming') and the unselfconsciousness of speaking my mother tongue, and hearing it. I miss being able to proof-read other people's papers, instead of having to subject mine to embarrassing amounts of red ink, two or three times, till they're presentable. I miss the confidence that I’ll be able to understand the person on the other line, regardless of whether they have an accent. I miss feeling so on top of things that learning something new is pure joy, instead of pure challenge. I have mainly friends from other cultures here, of course, and they are amazing. But I miss having friends who grew up with basically the same influences, literature, TV commercials, eating habits, language, imaginary magic creatures that visit us in the night and leave gifts, world view as I did. (Try taking all of these assumptions out of your normal day-to-day conversations and see how dramatically differently you have to think! It expands your horizons. Sometimes it is exhausting. it hurts sometimes too. And it brings huge rewards.) I have never in my whole life had to work this hard at school, in order to achieve academic mediocrity. I have never been so unsure of myself. I have never been so embarrassed at my mistakes.

There are so many times I have longed to pick up the phone and call one or another of you, but I thought you might not appreciate being woken up at 2 or 6 in the morning. :-) So I rely on the time-delay blessings of e-mail, to keep in touch with the folks who keep me sane sometimes. :-)

Theological education looks a lot different here, too. Since the church-state relationship is close, the study of theology is nationally regulated, like math or history. It is also very, very theoretical. The practical stuff (being involved in a church, getting to preach, teaching confirmation: the nitty gritty stuff) doesn’t start until the (6-year!!) intense academic study is over. Where I studied, practical experience was integrated in the classes and taken for granted in the lectures. It has been hard to get used to a system where the students are encouraged to put church and faith on the back burner, delve deep into theories and academic debates. I am in the (in my case long) process of becoming a diaconal minister in my church; and am currently writing a long approval essay, which includes a lot of theological thinking about current issues, peace and justice, and my own faith expression. I am finding it much more difficult than I had imagined, to write an essay that feels fully out of place in this system. (I feel sometimes fully out of place in this system.)

I am glad to have my friends here. It really is amazing to live in an international community, to learn something every day about my own identity, assumptions, values. It’s fun to learn to have fun in another culture. I get to explore new sides of myself, test out new sets of rules and expectations, figure out what works for me and what really does not. I am so excited to come home in March, to see many of you, to try on my country again like a pair of favorite old shoes left long in the closet. I am excited to test myself against that background, to be surprised at how I have grown and changed. But mostly to see you all again. :-)

I wish you all God’s blessings of joy, peace, happiness, and many good friends around you in the holiday season!!!

With love from Munich (and this little village),
Jess