Letters home: April 5, 2003

Dear loved ones,

I have been away a long time now. And it’s been a long time, too long, since I have last written. And in that time, the world has become more chaotic. I am doing my best to keep up on news of the war, even though it is so painful to hear how so many people on both sides are being hurt and killed every day, and how the world opposition to our war is growing. My news is filtered through my knowledge of German and our temperamental Internet connection, so I know I am not getting 100% of the details. But I am sure of this: Germany, as a whole, and one could even say Europe as a whole, is against this war, and feels unheard by our administration. And I want the killing to stop.

Hmm.

I can’t think of a smooth way to change the topic, so I will do it abruptly: let’s talk about me for a while. Last time you heard from our heroine, she was beginning her one-month tenure as practicum-doer (what is the English word for that???) in a tiny little congregation just this side of nowhere, in Middle Franconia. It was a fantastic month and my host family was the best one I could have asked for: they welcomed me wholly into the family and the pastor trusted me with tasks which I wouldn’t have trusted myself with at the time but which turned out just fine, and I jumped right into the life of the congregation(s—there were three!). To my surprise, I learned they don’t really speak “German” in Franconia at all: they speak Fränkisch, which at first sounded to me like a vinyl played at the wrong speed, or someone who has had way too much to drink but hasn’t noticed it yet. And when you mix that dialect with, maybe, a cute old guy with no teeth who we were visiting for his 87th birthday, then what came out was fairly unrecognizable to my untrained ears.

But despite that challenge, I actually took some really scary-but-fun risks while I was there: I led a whole worship service in German all by myself, including the sermon; was the guest speaker for a couple of senior afternoon discussions; helped with confirmation class and youth retreats, etc, etc. All in another culture and another language. It was exciting and exhausting. Crazy!

The crazy has become the everyday, I guess. And I can finally say I am all settled in. When my mom and grandma arrived, to spend two weeks traveling around Germany, Austria and Switzerland with me, I was ready to play interpreter and tour guide (and just plain enjoy seeing my family again!). We had a whirlwind tour of Vienna, Salzburg, Füssen, Zürich, Munich, Nürnberg, and Kirchrimbach, and saw more cathedrals and castles than in any other two-week span of my life so far. :-) It was exciting and exhausting and we stored up many happy memories, I think! Our highlights were Salzburg, where we stayed in a gorgeous home up on a hill, visited a centuries-old fortress and took the “Sound of Music Tour;” and tiny Kirchrimbach, where Mom and Grandma got to meet the family that had taken me into their home and hearts so graciously for a month!

Immediately afterwards, I jumped in the bus to begin our “Studienfahrt,” the twice-yearly trip that this cool dorm of mine takes to a nearby city (well, within a 10-hour radius from Munich, anyway) to get to know each other better and learn a bit more about the city and how the church works in different parts of Germany and Europe. It was, well, exciting and exhausting, to fit the theme of this 2-month-long semester break! On Monday (in two days) the Uni starts up again and I get to take all new classes. I will be taking two preaching classes, a lecture on the gospel of John, a class on the reformation, and yoga/Zen Buddhism. I am feeling… excited and exhausted.

I was elected to the post of “Studierendensprecherin,” which is sort of like student government. As we are experiencing an upheaval in leadership (three of our four leadership positions have been radically altered in the past month), this spells a lot of work for me and my co-Sprecher, Johannes. But I am actually grateful to be in this position, because it gives me a real sense of purpose for my stay here, and I fell like I have done a pretty good job so far, navigating a lot of wishes and expectations and hurt feelings all around. Whew.

Since it has been so long since my last letter, I have lots of thoughts building up and so you all will be getting a double dose of Jess this time. I guess it should come with a warning label: Read at your own risk. In case of an overdose, rinse affected area thoroughly with water and then go treat yourself to a pint of Ben and Jerry’s or a massage or a long bath or something equally pleasant. Or, what the heck, do it anyway.

So, here are some random and some not-so-random thoughts from of late:

On history:
Germany is a place of living history—both ancient history and the more recent kind. Here we are steeped in stories and traditions from the Middle Ages, from the Reformation, from the Enlightenment and Renaissance. We have deep roots! But Germany is also a place that has been shaken to the roots, not so long ago. Germans have had to examine and re-examine their value system more than a few times in recent history. After Hitler and World War Two, Germans had to pick up the pieces, rearrange them and start over. Then the wall came down and East Germany and Germany were reunited, bringing into the relationship vastly differing expectations of government and citizens. A post-Nazi democracy and a post-Communism democracy do not easy bedfellows make! Communism, democracy, capitalism and socialism met and mingled and growled and eventually made their peace. And then just two years ago, Reunified Germany’s participation in the EU was concretized through the switch to the Euro, which caused yet another upheaval in worth measurement. But as a result of all this upheaval, Germany has really put some contemporary thought into their systems: government in general, taxes, education, health care.

On war:
Germany is an enigma to American eyes (even my not-so-mainstream ones): life is totally recognizable and familiar on the surface; with all the comforts of home, you might say. But the structures behind it, the mentality, the assumptions are vastly different, sometimes polar opposite. For example, with the war. It’s an odd feeling, to resonate with the media. I kind of miss the challenge, in a way.

Thinking about war with Germany as backdrop is actually fascinating. These are folks who have war to thank for the fact that they are no longer the Third Reich, and I have been to Dachau and seen the pictures of the American soldiers liberating the place and saving what was left of the prisoners. But the war, fought on German soil, caused untold damage, some of which is still visible and much of which resides lodged in the hearts of survivors. Germans are also people who are very, very sensitive to the fact that led by one crazed man can cause untold cruelty and damage. They are people who have the spectacles of cynicism turned toward mob mentality and patriotism.

In short, I am learning here, and enjoying, and laughing and crying and praying and singing and growing and thinking more, and differently, than I have before. And I wouldn’t change a thing!

Missing you,
Jess