I guess I never imagined it happening this way.
Scouring the internet for properties, making a list of needs and wants... by myself.
Calling a realtor, arranging for a mortgage, reading the how-to's... alone.
Signing my name, over and over, on one of the lines, and leaving the other one blank.
Buying real estate is supposed to be something I do with him. Not a certain "he" in particular, but yet a very particular he -- the one who loves me and wants to share his life with me. The one I'm planning a future with. But he isn't here. I guess he never has been.
Instead, it's just me, hiring a moving company and packing and unpacking and choosing colors and making it all just so... by myself.
It just isn't how it's supposed to be.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
not quite right
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3 comments:
Oh sweetie. I'm sorry.
After your last post, how are you feeling? In the midst of ending/beginning this last month, I had a killer cold/sinus/allergy thing. I do think our bodies protest when we have major transitions. I hope yours get settled.
I know what you mean. I did all this in November - with similar thoughts.
I could do it all myself - but, I didn't necessarily want to have it all be up to me.
It's the decision-making, work-getting-done, enjoying-with-another that made me miss the "him."
But, buying real estate is no longer a one-time thing...perhaps you will get to enjoy it all with a "him" someday. I sure hope I do.
Thanks, guys. :-)
I'm not sitting around and weeping over this or anything, but I needed to acknowledge that amidst the excitement, there's this vein of sadness. It feels like somehow I'm giving up a little. Really, I know that's ridiculous, but still good to acknowledge the emotion and move on. :-)
I appreciate the empathy. :-)
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